HOW REAL MEN ACT

HOW REAL MEN ACT

 Due to the informal society we live in today, the real man is a dying breed. This blame is not a fault of man, society or the female species; it is a combination of all and the fact that we have accepted it without a fight. Here are some small things you could do to make you stand out as a real man. I for one believe we need to learn from the ancient gentleman and bring back the values of society. It is the time for change and we need to make as many changes as we can to set the world back on its axis and make a brighter future for all:

1. Open the door and wait until everyone gets in

          When you see a bunch of people clearly rushing towards a door, just open      the door, wait on the side, and let everyone in. It’s pretty simple.

2. Don’t directly walk behind a woman in a hallway or stairway

           This is so she can see you there and you don’t freak her out by making her think that you are either checking her out inappropriately from behind or that you are following her.

3. If you are checking out someone, don’t stare

          Actually, lowering your gaze at all times is ideal, but let’s be realistic here; if you are checking someone out, and they don’t notice it’s probably best to be subtle about it, otherwise her first impression of you will be that you are a creep

4. Address someone by their favorite name, or at least use formal names like Mr., Miss, Madam, Respect takes you a long way.

5. When shaking hands, have a firm handshake

          Don’t break their hands, don’t be a limp hand shaker, don’t be all sweaty or have wet hands.

6. Look a person in the eyes when you say Hi to them

          That’s basic etiquette and respect unless of course if you are in a dangerous situation that requires you complete concentration.

7. When with people, don’t look at your cell phone

8. Don’t text at ALL

          I find it really rude although it’s acceptable in society to be constantly texting. If you have an important phone call, do excuse yourself, and even then, be very prompt and notify the caller that you are with people. Many of times I find people having conversations with others when taking to one person or group RUDE

9. When a woman comes in to your house as a guest, take their coats for them as they enter the door or at least offer.

10. And when having dinner, pull the chair for the lady/ ladies so she/they may sit down but please ask her first.

          Bite my tongue for saying this but sometimes, the bro code is not the only way to go feel the atmosphere and use common sense.  

11. When in public transportation give your seat to any woman, elderly or disabled standing while your able body is comfortably sitting down

          You’ll find really old men and women in buses and trains barely able to stand up while all the College kids are sleeping on chairs with earplugs in listening to music unaware of any form of etiquette. Basically respect your elders.

12. Don’t curse or speak loudly It just shows that you have no respect for anyone around you.

13. Always apply the Golden Rule

          Do not do to others what you do not accept would be done to you and even if you do accept some things, don’t think it’s suddenly universal that everyone thinks like you either. Again use common sense.

14. Don’t wear a Baseball hat, a coat, or anything that is clearly for the outdoors indoors Also sunglasses are worn to keep the sun out of your eyes

15. When you are at dinner or you have guests over, don’t sit down and eat before them

These are just a couple of things that make a person stand out. My five year old boy held the door for two elderly ladies the other day and they were so impressed by his manners they stopped and gave him an amount of money then looked at me and smiled telling me what a wonderful young man he was …Of course I was very proud of him, and it immediately made think. What has happened to respect and good manners.

THE TRICK OF FINDING A MATCH BETWEEN FOOD AND WINE

FINDING THE PERFECT MATCH BETWEEN FOOD AND WINE

A gentleman should understand something about wines and foods so here are a few notes of my experience that I hope will help.  In general, lighter white wines, such as Lugana, Pinot Grigio, dry Rieslings, and un-oaked Macon-style Chardonnays standout when married to lighter tasting  foods or these wines can be simply drunk on their own as a appetizer before a meal opening your tastebuds to the marvels that will follow. The more intense flavored white wines like Gewminer, Gruner Veltliner, and some exotic, structured Sauvignon Blanc wines also stand out on their own. However, these full-flavored white wines will also enhance the flavors and experience of spicy foods, including Asian cuisines, Mexican dishes, and even very strong crusted cheeses often having a better marriage to them than the big bold red wines.

It is amazing how many foods can similarly be capable of being complemented both red and white wines. Poultry for example can be easily married to with Chardonnay, Pinot Blanc and other white wines as with Pinot Noir, Merlot, or some of the finest red Bordeaux one can muster to the table depending on the herbs spices and sauces used to give it exquisite flavors. The same can be said for veal, pork, ham, rabbit, and a wide variety of vegetarian fare. The richness of the sauce and the choice of ingredients therein shape our preferences as to whether to serve white or red with a certain type of food, but both extend a warm welcome.

Hopefully the following guidelines can help you find your perfect partnership forming a happy marriage for whatever occasion you have chosen:

Seafood

Seafood is one area that seems to gather the greatest discussion amongst the wine connoisseurs as it always instigates a bit of controversy. Generally, we are told that white fish tastes better to us with white wine, unless a strong tomato based sauce accompanies it. Frequently, we have found that tannic red wines tend to lose their focus and taste steely in the company of white fish, even salmon, and add little to the flavor of the fish. For this reason, avoid pairing Cabernet based wines, Chiantis, full-bodied Merlots and Syrahs, and most other red wines with seafood, including shellfish. However, tuna, salmon, and a few full-flavored fish make splendid companions to light reds like Pinot Noir. Occasionally, full- bodied, low acid wines like Cote du Rhone and Chateauneuf-du-Pape, so I sometimes suggest them as a good match. My main idea here is if wine is used in the cooking process, find another that compliments its new flavors after the food is cooked. Using the same wine may be over powering, remember you wish to marry not combine.

Beef, Lamb & Game

Beef, lamb, and game by nature of their rich flavors generally get the nod as the preferred accompaniments to red wine, if for no other reason than the tannins in red wine cut through the fat and muscle of the meat, releasing additional flavors hidden in the food. Also, the body and flavor of most medium to full-bodied reds can match that of meat, something few white wines seem to do as well. Moreover, our basic philosophy on meat and red wine gravitates to the old adage that the better the meat, the greater the red wine.

Pizza, Pasta, Vegetables and wine and cheese pairing

When marrying wine and foods of the family of pizza, pasta, and vegetables it is preferred by many connoisseurs and myself to choose a dry white, whereas with cheeses a strong red brings forth the deep flavors but again consideration of the herbs, spices, sauces, style or toppings must be considered. However, what may surprise some serious wine drinkers, particularly red wine aficionados, is the growing consensus that cheese is often enhanced as much by white wine as red. This is particularly true of crusted cheeses, like Brie and Camembert. In my opinion, red wine favors soft and semi-soft whole milk cheeses. Goat cheese can be interesting with both red and white wines.

Fruits and Desserts

Nothing can polarize a panel quite like exotic fruits, rich and light desserts in the company of wine. Nonetheless, red wine and chocolate certainly has its adherents, with Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah, and Zinfandel getting the nod as the most enjoyable accompaniments to the world's most beloved confection. With other sweets, personal choice certainly reigns supreme, with a consensus often difficult to attain.

With any choice you make I suggest the best way to form that perfect marriage of food and wine for your taste buds and those of your companions is to take the time to experiment, for the simple reason that experimenting with pairing wine with food is fun. A time spent preparing and tasting foods and wines can be an experience never easily forgotten. Besides, no one can really enjoy another's palate or tastes so be daring and enjoy!

HOW TO MEET PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK

FACEBOOK

Facebook is not one of the easiest places to meet new people, as it is encouraged, to only connecting with family friends and people you already know.  If you randomly select large numbers of people and send those invites or introduction messages, you may end up being labeled a spammer.

The best idea is to find groups that interest you and add some interesting articles to the notes or post short articles of interest on the wall, and then when people read them they might find you interesting and send you an invite or start a message or post conversation.  Another way is to ask your friends to introduce you or advertise you.  To advertise a person you run a post and asked people in your list to add the person you are pimping, also asked them if you can post some articles on their wall in hopes that others will read them and want to find out more about you.  Another way is to find a game you like and then add people to your list who are interested in the same game.  Post interesting replies to friends comment and if someone likes or replies to your comment start a conversation and build a connection.  The last idea is to have an exciting and interesting profile and hope others will find you.  I find it is better not to send invites randomly because if you are labeled a spammer by a number of people Facebook may delete your account and you will need to build a new account with a new email address.  If you are deleted, too many times your computer may be blocked from access.

To develop a good profile takes time, first start with an interesting profile picture.  Aim this picture at the type of people you wish to attract.  Change your picture at regular intervals as this will post your picture on the walls of the people in your friends list and keep you in their attention.  Keep your picture real and exciting.  Some will post pictures of other exciting good-looking people but fakes stand out like an elephant in a horse yard.  Your profile is how you advertise and sell yourself.  Think of yourself as an exciting new product that no one has ever seen.  What is it about you that make you special and different from everyone else, what are your interests, what do you want people to know about you, when you are not at school, or working what do you like to do.  Remember always be truthful its takes a good memory to be a liar and in the end they are always discovered.  Like a good restaurant its takes a lifetime to develop a good reputation and seconds to destroy it and if you think others will not talk about you, you are dead wrong.  People love to gossip and do not need an excuse to do it.

Next build a portfolio, add pictures of the exciting things you do, what you find interesting or would like to do and remember keep them PG, as Facebook will delete any pictures that cross their line.  Fill out the profile questions as people who are interested in you want to know whom you are and that you are a real person.  Again, you are selling yourself so make it exciting but keep it truthful.  Connect your page to email accounts, other pages you have, this will help show others that you are real.  Also have your profile set to public; if you want to keep private, stuff and family separate start a different account for that, this account is to meet people so you want to allow them to see who you are without having to add you, as some people will reject you if your profile is private.  On the other side mystery is an alluring factor so this is not always true.  After this find the pages of famous people or celebrities and add them as friends.  Their pages are usually set to automatic but if the person does not know this, you will appear important.  Also always, reply to interesting comments they make as if you have known them forever.  This will raise your social value making you appear to be the catch.  If a woman, replies make a modest comment suggesting nothing to the information to find out whom you are.  Make them work for your attention.  Give them hope the draw back then smile.  It begins to play the alluring game of cat and mouse.  Will the mouse be captured by his hunter or will the cat not catch his prey.  Again build the story up then at the height, change the subject to her and who she is.  Once gaining confidence begins to seduce her.  Discovery her pleasure with casual small questions.  Touch her inner child and caress the beast.  Make her want need desire you until she cannot bear it.  Then well my imagination can only legally go so far.  I suggest you follow the path and find out for yourself…THE AUSSIE….

TIME TO PARTY

PARTY

Life getting you down–has it been a while since you have had some fun? Want to meet some great people and have a good time?” Well, how about throwing a party that will be so great everyone will say “Gee, why didn’t I think of this?

To begin exciting parties pick a theme ……

Planning:

1.       Send out Invitations

Remember to indicate on the invitation what is the theme and that guests are invited and encouraged wear attire relating to the theme! As the host, you will want to be decked out in theme finery.  Choose and decorate yourself and your chosen area with selections emphasizing the theme.

2.       Select a Menu

Decide if you supply the food or everyone brings a dish in line with the theme. If you supply everything, organize a locked donation box to cover expenses and/or buy more supplies when you run out, but make sure everyone is informed of this on the invitation or you may want to make a cover charge.  If everyone is bringing a dish, try to get an idea what will be arriving a few days before hand so you can cover the gaps.

3.       Decorations & Atmosphere

The party without music is like New Orleans without the French Quarter–incomplete! Get ready to boogie to the sounds of the theme. Play it throughout the party for a great effect. Make it known where the party’s action is with stronger decorations, this will draw people to chosen areas. People will know they are at the right place when they see the theme items hanging at your party destination. By creating the magical mood of theme you create the atmosphere of the party and definitely set the mood!

The Party:

1.       Arrival of Guests

Welcome Guests and give each a item relating to the theme to wear around their neck to get them into the spirit – it’s kind of like the leis that are placed around your neck when you get to the Hawaiian Airport! Door prizes are a welcome idea for any party since everyone loves to get free stuff! These prizes should probably coincide with the theme that you chose. Create an air of mystery and give each guest a Feather Mask when they come or send one with the invitation.

2.       Games and Activities

Choose games related to the theme and use them to create the atmosphere, it is a great way to stop dead time, moments of silence, and can get the party move going.

3.       Party Wrap-up

Time for party favors, awards, and prizes, something to help them remember the fun they had. Give your warmest good-byes! Always leave people wanting more but impressed with what they got.

4.       Clean Up

You’re alone on this one! Assemble your own crew to help pick up after the festivities!

Enjoy The Party!!

TOP TEN FANTASIES WOMEN HAVE

TOP TEN FANTASIES WOMEN HAVE

NUMBER  10      DOMINATION (HER DOMINATING YOU)

Women love a big strong man who can sweep them off their feet and carry them into the sunset — but you may be surprised to learn that one of the top female sex fantasies is to have that same big strong man begging for sexual release in the bedroom. One of the top 10 female fantasies involves tying you down to a bed while she forces you to pleasure her with your tongue; the entire scenario revolves around you worshipping her body and begging for her attention. Why? She gets to be in control while enjoying total devotion from her man in the process. What more could she want?

NUMBER  9         DOMINATION (YOU DOMINATING HER)

With the writings of “Shades of Grey” which is recently blamed for the explosion of this top 10 female sex fantasy. It seems that modern, independent women actually prefer real men who aren’t afraid to embrace their testosterone. This woman fantasizes about you pinning her down, thrusting her thighs apart with your knee and penetrating her as savagely as you possibly can. She wants to feel your fingers snake through her hair and pull her head back; she wants to feel your teeth on her shoulder; she wants to be owned — if only while in the bedroom (after which, she’ll want a clear return to equality). This win-win female sex fantasy scenario allows her to fully indulge her femininity, while still espousing the merits of feminism.

NUMBER  8         TEACHER/STUDENT

You’ll be thrilled to know that this fantasy isn’t just for men: Women love the idea of dressing up like a schoolgirl and parading about for your viewing pleasure. Many would even like to take it a step further, playing the naughty tart who won’t stop teasing you until you pull her over your knee and give her the spanking she craves. That’s right: Loads and loads of grown women fantasize about getting a proper spanking from their man. A spanking from you is exciting for two reasons: not only does this mild show of dominance hurt so good, but it also usually leads straight into hot, hot sex.

NUMBER 7          SEX WITH A STRANGER

Most women wouldn’t have the courage to act out this top 10 female sex fantasy, but you’d better believe that most have thoroughly enjoyed thinking about it. No-strings-attached sex is something many women would love to experience, but most are dissuaded from it thanks to a lofty load of self-produced guilt. Nevertheless, her panties definitely get wet at the idea of a gorgeous male or in some cases any male approaching her in a dark, smoky bar and taking her back to his room for a long, hot night of wild sex. This female sex fantasy appeals to her naughtiest side — the kinky one that rarely sees the light of day, thanks to a lifetime of religious and societal conditioning.

NUMBER 6          THREESOME WITH ANOTHER WOMAN

These days, it’s fairly common for straight women to get down with other women now and again, making this top 10 female sex fantasy a not-so-unrealistic possibility. That being said, this threesome fantasy rarely involves you getting playtime with the second hottie, as most girlfriends do not want to see their man touch another woman. In this scenario, you’re meant to play voyeur until your woman is ready for something more hardcore. This allows her to experience the best of both worlds without having to worry about things like jealousy or sharing.

NUMBER 5          THREESOME WITH TWO MEN

This top 10 female sex fantasy involves the woman being worshipped and adored by two men. These men are typically heterosexual and, therefore, only interested in the woman — which translates into a whole lot of action for her. Her sex fantasy might be as innocent as being penetrated by one man while performing oral sex on the other or it might go further, drawing on more hardcore aspects such as double penetration and the like. This female sex fantasy is the ultimate taboo for many women, which makes it all the more fun to imagine.

NUMBER 4          VOYEURISM

If you think women don’t enjoy watching other people get it on, you’re completely mistaken. Your woman likes to watch for the same reasons you do: it’s erotic, exhilarating and slightly taboo. She may fantasize about peeping through the neighbor’s bedroom window, spying on a kinky couple in the park or even catching a full-on orgy from the sidelines. Believe it when we tell you she enjoys “watching” just as much as you do; it allows to her be naughty without getting her hands dirty, so to speak.

NUMBER 3          CONSENTUAL RAPE

Rape is a massively popular fantasy among women. Most psychologists believe this top 10 female sex fantasy allows a woman to have the wild, dirty sex she craves, without having to suffer the guilt that often follows. These female sex fantasies usually involve a gorgeous man carrying her off to his bedroom and quickly getting down to business. She’ll protest as he tears her clothing off and expertly arouses her body, but on the inside, she’ll love every minute of it. This continues to the point of penetration, and leads her to an incredible orgasm despite her earlier protests. This female sex fantasy allows a woman to be wanton and enjoy sex — something society rarely permits.

NUMBER 2          EXHIBITIONISM

She might cringe when you bring up the topic of making homemade porn flicks, but your woman has probably fantasized about doing precisely that at one time or another. Unfortunately, most women are far too body-conscious to experiment with such things, making this a top 10 female sex fantasy, as opposed to a reality. Believe it or not, some women even take this desire to the next level, fantasizing about others watching as you shag her silly in a public place.

NUMBER 1          PRIVATE DANCER

Most women wouldn’t have the nerve to strip in a public setting, but this top 10 female sex fantasy definitely involves taking it all off. She loves the idea of tantalizing you with a striptease, and she’d love to give you a private lap dance. Why? Your enjoyment tells her you find her attractive, and your erection tells her she has control — a potent combination that women simply can’t get enough of.

FANTASY CAN LEAD TO REALITY SOME OF THESE FEMALE SEX FANTASIES MAY HAVE LITTLE CHANCE OF PROGRESSING TO REALITY WITH YOUR WOMAN, BUT SOME HAVE MORE POTENTIAL THAN YOU MAY REALIZE. A LITTLE BIT OF COAXING CAN GO A LONG WAY IN TERMS OF SPICING THINGS UP IN THE BEDROOM. ASK HER WHICH OF THESE TOP 10 FEMALE SEX FANTASIES SHE FINDS MOST APPEALING, AND SEE IF SHE’S WILLING TO EXPERIMENT — YOU MAY BE SURPRISED BY HER ANSWER.

COCKTAILS

                Cocktails are also great fun and a man that can make a great cocktail is always the center of the action but remember never get closed in as the cocktail barman use it as a way to draw the moths to the flame… Here are a couple of cocktails that are easy and fun to make..

                  
Stiff Dick

      0.5 oz. Butterscotch schnapps

      0.5 oz. Baileys® irish cream

      Pour 1/2 oz. Buttershots(or other butterscotch schnapps) into a shot glass.         

      Float 1/2 of Bailey's on top. Shoot back and enjoy!

               
Cumdrop

   1 oz. Kahlua

    1 oz. Baileys® irish cream

    0.5 oz. Crème de banana

    Fill a shaker half full with ice cubes. Pour all ingredients into shaker and shake well.

    Strain drink into a  Cocktail glass.

Aussies Jelly Bean

2 parts Jagermeister

1 part Blue curaçao

1 part Red Curaçao or Grand Marnier

1 part Grenadine

top up Lemonade

5 Ice cubes

1 Lime wedge

Pour the Jagermeister, grenadine and curacao over the ice. Top up with the lemonade. garnish with lime wedge

Southern Bondage

    1/4 oz Southern Comfort®

    1/4 oz Amaretto Di Saronno®

    1/4 oz Peach schnapps

    1/4 oz Triple sec

    1 Splash Cranberry juice

    1 Splash Sour mix

Pour ingredients into mixing/cheater tin over ice, shake and pour.

Shots

Sex

    1 part Kahlua

    1 part Grand marnier

Vibrator

    2 parts Southern Comfort®

    1 part Baileys® irish cream

Orgasm

    1 part Tequila

    1 part Baileys® irish cream

Slippery Nipple

    1 part shot Kahlua

    1 part shot Baileys® irish cream

    1 part shot Vodka

Viagra shot

    1/2 oz. Amaretto Di Saronno®

    1/2 oz. Baileys® irish cream

    1/3 oz. Crème de menthe (green)

    1/3 oz. Crème de cacao (white)

Blend with ice strain into glasses

Have some fun with the garnishes, use your imagination and give the cocktails your own names

BROS CODE - to help the guys survive the wild world and give some help with Bro conflicts

BRO   CODE

Originally Inscribed July 4th 1776

This code has been slightly modified to be able to be adapted to modern times but the essence of the code has been maintained

WINGMANS PLEDGE

“I shall uphold the Bro Code to the fullest of my ability. I will never allow my wingman to go home with less than a six”.

Article 1 : Bro’s before ho’s

The bond between two men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That’s just science.

Article 2 : A bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it

Article 3 : If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown

Article 4 : A Bro never divulges the existence of The Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason… no, not even that reason

Article 5 : Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.

Article 6 : A Bro shall not fool around  or dawdle if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room

Article 7 : A Bro never admits he can’t drive, even after an accident.

Article 8 : A bro will not let another bro ask for directions from someone outside the car.

Article 9 : Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as “Gimme three!” or “Wow quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball”. It’s still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls… metaphorically speaking, of course

Article 10 : A Bro will drop whatever he’s doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick

Article 11 : A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furniture. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are – in most cases, stuck in the doorway.

Article 12 : Bros do not share dessert.

Article 13 : All Bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman

Article 14 : If a chick inquires about another Bros sexual history, a Bro shall honor the Brode of Silence and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than to tell the truth.

Article 15 : A Bro never dances with his arms above his head.

Article 16 : A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series and Playmate of the Year.

Article 17 : A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of Screaming.

Article 18 : If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after can canvassing the group.

Article 19 : A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro’s sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry of another Bro says, “Dude, your sister’s hot!”

Article 20 : A Bro respects all his Bros in the military because they’ve selflessly chose to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.

Article 21 : A Bro never shares observations about another Bro’s smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying, “She’s smoking-hot, huh?” a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he’s the only one who should be baiting.

Article 22 : There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro. Women make excellent Bros. Why? Because they can translate and help navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the Chick Code.

Article 23 : When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes, but is not limited to, exercise shows, women’s athletics, and on some occasions, surgery programs.

Article 24 : When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’ clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

Article 25 : A Bro doesn’t let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name.

Article 26 : Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his contact device on a belt clip.

Article 27 : A Bro never removes his shirt infront of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach.  Corollary: A Bro with a coat of fur on his back keeps that thing covered at all times, even at a resort pool or the beach.

Article 28 : A Bro will, in timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.

Article 29 : If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 PM. Also, despite the cost of savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

Article 30 : A Bro doesn’t comparison shop.

Article 31 : When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.

Article 32 : A Bro doesn’t allow another Bro to get married until he’s at least thirty.

Article 33 : When in a public restroom, a Bro

(1) Stares straight ahead when using the urinal

(2) Makes the obligatory comment, “What is this, a chicks’ restroom?” if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and

(3) Attempts to basketball toss his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball…rebounding is optional.

Article 34 : Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil’s Three-way.

Article 35 : A Bro never rents a chick flick.

Article 36 : When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.

Article 37 : A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on the point they may be equal to bros, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they’re not that heavy.

Article 38 : Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

Article 39 : When a Bro gets a chicks number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.

Article 40 : Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as “a bachelor party.”

Article 41 : A Bro never cries. Exception- a sports legend retires (only first time he retires).

Article 42 : Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.

Article 43 : A Bro loves his country.

Article 44 : A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro. Exceptions – If the Bros are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.

Article 45 : A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club. Reasons:

a) Cloth pockets are roomier and elastic allowing for a thicker wad of cash.

b) Denim clashes with the club’s leopard, zebra or other safari animal motif.

c) One word, two syllables, three hours in the ER – Zipper.

d) It’s a performance and deserves respect.

e) You don’t feel it as much on your… you know what..

Article 46 : If a Bro is seated next to some dude who’s stuck in the middle seat, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has

(a)  Taken his shoes off,

(b)  Is snoring,

(c)  Makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or

(d)  Purchased headphones after they announced the movie is a girls flick. See Article 35.

Article 47 : A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.

Article 49 : When asked, “Do you need some help?” a Bro shall automatically respond, “I got it,” whether or not he’s actually got it. Exceptions – Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car and loading an expensive TV on to an expensive car.

Article 50 : If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro’s undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

Article 51 : A Bro will always check out another Bro’s blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down

Article 52 : A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday, though a phone call every not and again probably wouldn’t kill him.

Article 53 : Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.

Article 54 : A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy’s Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13th).

Article 55 : Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.

Article 56 : A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/chick Ration at a party falls below 1:1. However, to avoid Bro-flation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

Article 57 : A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.

Article 58 : A Bro doesn’t grow a moustache. Exception – While shaving it’s more than ok for a Bro to keep the whiskers around his mouth till the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations.

Article 59 : A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it’s out of state or, like, crazy expensive (Crazy expensive bail >(years you’ve been bros) x $100).

Article 60 : A Bro shall honor they father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.

Article 61 : If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro’s anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

Article 62 : In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven’t purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they’re the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.

Article 63 : A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection. Bro-tection forms a central pillar or, more accurately, a plastic coating for the central pillar of the Bro way of life.

Article 64 : A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro’s favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.

Article 65 : A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros. Exception – A Bro is off the hook if a Bro orders a drink with an umbrella in it.

Article 66 : If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a ‘that sucks, man’ and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary – deserved or not – regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

Article 67 : Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

Article 68 : If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. Exception – Dry spell trumps hot streak.

Article 69 : Duh. A bro will not do 69 until first receiving

Article 70 : A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro’s trip or general well-being.

Article 71 : As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party. Three Bros are cool – Three musketeers

Article 72 : A Bro never spell-checks.

Article 73 : When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.

Article 74 : At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he’ll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.

Article 75 : A Bro automatically enhances another Bro’s job description when introducing him to a chick. Chicks like to stretch the truth about their age, promiscuity and sometimes, with the help of extensive make-up and structural lingerie, even their body shape. As such, it is a fair game for Bros to exaggerate reality when asked about their Bro-fession.

Article 76 : If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say “I love you” he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic deep-esque tone.

Article 77 : Bros don’t cuddle.

Article 78 : A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman. Rack jack is to steal your wingman’s chick. To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between the Bro and his wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each face the other, place his left hand on the Bro code, raise his right hand, and recite the wingman pledge.

“I shall uphold the Bro Code to the fullest of my ability. I will never allow my wingman to go home with less than a six”.

Article 79 : At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall light-heartedly pretend he’s not mortified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.

Article 80 : A bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle (engaging in a threesome), short of completing the tricycle himself. The total age of all the three should be less than 83.

Article 81 : The mom of a Bro is always off limits but the step-mom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing.

Article 82 : Never drink the last beer, unless you’ve been granted specific permission that it’s OK.

Article 83 : If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:

1.       Was an ex-girlfriend.

2.       Your Bro specifically told you he wanted her.

3.       Is you’re buddy’s sister.

However, if it’s your Bro’s cousin, well she’s up for grabs, and you’re welcome to rub it in Bro’s face for years to come.

Article 84 : Standard shotgun rules are as follows:

1.       Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.

2.       Shotgun must be called outside the area of the car.

3.       Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.

4.           Shotgun never carries over to a second ride unless solitarily stated.

Article 85 : These list items may be change to adapt to changes within strict Bro society rules or interpretation as such but must always maintain the essence of the Bro Code…